Hype me up!
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7:11 AM Drama #1
I just want to vent out…
I don’t know how much longer I can keep his secret. I might end up losing so much love and respect for myself if I’ll keep my mouth shut. I’ve been with somebody who’s such a liar! I’ve never been deceive like this. I felt like I’m just being used…I’m not supposed to accept this. I’m not supposed to not do anything about it. I’m the type who always gets even. Why can’t I do it now?! Why can’t I be strong for myself now?! Why am I allowing him to stab my heart and slit my wrist without any warning? I guess this is me being stupid and irrational.
8:28 AM Hurting myself again...
All I want is honesty…
Why do people always tend to take advantage those who have a good heart? Why is hard for people to just love back and be thankful they have somebody to love? Is it really hard to be faithful to the person you love?
I still have a lot of questions in my head but these three are my top questions for this moment. I never meant to have a drama around this time in the morning. But this is the only thing that I know that always keeps me sane. I may be one of the very few people who still believe that there is really somebody there who is still worth loving and trusting. I almost gave up but when my current lover came, I told myself to still give it a try. But not until finding out that what I believe in is really not the truth of things. I’m in a point where I question myself, why do I need to still make sense of something that is already crystal clear. Does this mean that I’m on my way to looneyville? I guess not. I just have a little spark of hope that I am still going to be happy. I sure want to answer the three questions that I have, but I guess I need your help in reviving myself from believing that happiness nowadays is but mere fairytale.
No more exceptions for me. Lying and cheating is but essential, LOVE…will just be a dream.
5:45 AM Californication, Mateo, Hot Sunny Sunday...All in the Mix
Atmo: Mateo's Mixtape (Mateo's so GOOD)
Mood: Contemplative (I can't believe either)
Appetite: Zero (Nothing NEW here)
Yes, I am wallowing again. I just remembered when I was still in high school. I have a pretty solid plan that I'm going to finish college and fly to Cali and have a good start there. I don't know what happened...I chickened out. I got scared of moving so far away from my family. Thinking that I can't really survive being away. Away from my safety zone, from my closest friends who I can always depend n no matter how sh*^&ty my case is and away from the places where I can always find peace and think really deep. Thinking about it now is giving me a very sick feeling of regret. I wanna deny it but I just can't. My cowardliness put me a deeper s*^&. It slowed me down to neverville, where independence never exist. I had my chance and I blew it. I just gave a bigger excuse to myself not grow up. To be that brat that I will always be. I feel so sorry about my parents now for having me. I'm giving them too much load to carry. I'm a big wreck, a coward and a loser. I need to get back on my feet big time! Alright, I will be very very focus...stick to my list and everything will be good. Palm Sunday is really giving me a very very harsh time...
7:28 AM Nicotine Overload
It's so ironic that I find happiness to another person's misery. I know that I'm into soft S&M but I just accepted the fact that I'm feeling a different kind of JOY whenever I see a person being miserable about their own love life. I know it sounds strange but I love this new discovery about my self. I'm liking the road that I'm taking now. I'm on my way to numbness, not falling for the idea of being in love and not feeling any misery being not in love. Well the crave for making love is still there and it's easy to swing by so I guess I will just really welcome this new emotion I've discovered. I will be the missing ingredient to other people miserable love life. I'm so glad that I watched "Vicky Cristina Barcelona", if it wasn't for that flick I wouldn't come to this realization. I really saw myself to Cristina--knowing what not to like and not knowing what to like. Damn! I have to buy more cigs.
2:43 PM you're so vain you think this BLOG is all about you... don't you? don't you?-- copied from Ed (eddbei) from Ara (newmoonmaiden) and Dar (dar² obladi-oblada)
a. Write something about 15 different people
b. You can NOT say who they are
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell
d. Tag 15 people who you think would do this, too. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.
1. Why don't you just admit that you like it when I'm teasing you? Is really too hard for you to be so honest about your feelings? shhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiissssssshhhhhhhtttttt.....
2 I'm so tired of you, STOP GIVING ME FALSE HOPES YOU A*&$%L# YOU! sheeeeesh....
3 Hoy ibalik mo yung camera ko and yung cellphone ko!
4. I really like you but I know that your not into you know...hihi
5. Thank you for still caring for me after what happened....
6. Sorry pero ang immature mo naman if galit ka pa din sakin! Bata pa tayo nun noh!
7. Please stop flirting with me. You're the one who pushed me away so just let me go..please....
8. Man your PURE PLASTIC!!!
9. Sana kapatid na lang kita..(^_^)
10. Mukhang PERA!
11. Please stop living in an imaginary world that you created kasi nakakatakot ka na talaga!
12. Please stop manipulating the people around you...it's so unhealthy?;P
13. Balik ka na please...T-T
14. I really think we're going to be good friend so don't be shy to ask help if you need any. I'm not a god you know..=)
15. It's sometimes healthy to be alone so please stop bugging me!
haaaaaaayyyy...I'm so relieved...;P
8:26 AM On Recession
I was just chatting with a Edd (a friend here in Cebu) and he shared me think link below:
If my mom will have a chance to read this, she'll be SUPER proud of me.=)